Saturday, April 28, 2007
Walmart (AGAIN)
Hey there people I created a seperate blog for all my walmart bitchings its http://deathtowalmart.blogspot.com I wont post anything relating to them here anymore
Friday, April 27, 2007
George Carlin's solution to Save Gasoline:
George Carlin's solution to Save Gasoline:
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best wa y to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended t his country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, sh! ip them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends
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You know I think that this is one of the most briallient ideas that I have ever heard. It would be effeciant too. Not only would we be able to bring our troops home but the illegals would then fight for us and in return receive an education, pension, and their citizenship. That way we all benefit. Our tax dollars wont shoot up through the roof trying to compensate for welfair, wic, and medical, MIA, MISP, and all of those other county medical treatments. They would be making a better future for themselves and their families.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Why must it always come back to walmart? 
Ok so we all know that I have a love hate relationship with my former employer walmart. However, it seems as if there is more Hate than love.
Yesterday I go to walmart to buy ink for my printer. A simple task one would think. NOPE! First of all there had to be everyone and their great grandmother Elinor Susan meandering through the narrow isles, but then they had to be out of the one particular ink that i need save for having 1 duel box of ink which was a color and black for $37.77 where the one box of black was only $19.97 (huge price change) so I go ahead and get that box, place it in my cart and then try to plow my way out of the computer section into the electronics check out stand. While standing there taking in the ambiance of the stupidity of people and the knuckle dragging sub monkies that are walmart 'employees' a black guy comes up in a very nice suite and asks a simple question "Where can I find mini-dvd's for cam recorders?"
The Mystical Sage of the Register then gives him the totally wrong information on where to find it, sending him to the computer department. I whistle for the guy and flag him over pointing out the exact product that he needs. The dude is more than grateful. He said "You should work here" I told him that I use to but never again (well maybe...<--insert dramatic music 'done done done' here)
So after about 5 minutes of watching this monkey do a math problem (i.e. check people out) she finally gets to us and states 'boy its busy today....' A BRILLIANT DEDUCTION DR. WATSON!
Then my sister and I were walking to go out of the store and there was a freakin traffic jam on lanes 4-9 and a line pretty much blocking us from exiting. SO we finally get out and back home only to discover that the ink that we just bought had no ink in the black cartridge. "THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR SINCE OF HUMOR THIS DAY" so I bundle up the test pages that one has to print everytime you install a new cartridge, and drive to a different walmart (no way in hell i was going back to that one that i just came from that was pure pandemonium) So I went ahead and went to another one on the opisite side of town only to be greeted by the other walmartins and a store full of glazed eyed zombie shoppers.
So I go to the Customer service counter and explain to this lady the whole story about how i got it home and it didnt print. She begins to hold them to her ear and shakes them and says "well this one is empty, they both sound empty...." first of all how are you going to hear some shit like that in a croweded store with people screaming for CSM's over the intercom, Jr. Baby Son of a Bitch screaming its head off, Old man death coughing like some kinda contagious spor, and tell me that its empty. YOU SEE the funny thing about the type of ink I use is that its a powder that turns liquid when an electrical current is passed through it. So I just sat back and laughed at how she could hear powder but anyways, then she said "...well the color one is half full." Ok so what? then I told her "if you think im trying to run games here your wrong. First of all that may be my old color cartridge but im not sure.
Second I didnt have any black ink in my printer at home. Third look at my recipt, I literally bought this about 45 minutes ago. Now each cartridge is able to do roughly 500-900 sheets depending on how graphically intense it is. Also every printer that is on the market right now, will only print about 8-10 pages per minute, not including spooling time for the document to transfer to the memory of the printer which is only about 1mb and some documents can be 3mb+ there is no way that I could have burnt through an entire cartridge of ink in 45 minutes and be here like I want some more. There is only one printing press that Im aware of that is able to print 1000+ pages per minute (maybe like 3-5 minutes) and that is the News press for the Wallstreet Journal and New York Times.
However, neither of the wonderful machines are in my possion, nor do they use a tiny ass ink cartridge like this. SO please just exchange me for a black cartridge and save you and your company the hit of $37.77 when you will only have to take a hit of $19.97 and you profit from it still." The whole time she was looking at me i was expecting a strand of drool to come plomiting from the corner of her mouth. When I was done trying to explain the quantum physics of my seemingly simple problem Darwin's reject was able to once again form sentiences and say "well i need you to bring me back the other cartridge if you want to exchange them. Since it was a two pack I will need to rering it as a two pack."
(CRITICAL MASS REACHED) From passive to angry in .00000000000000000005 nano seconds, I snatched up the bag and took note of her name and I said "look ****** (<-- not a bad word just the persons name) I will be back in exactly 10 maybe 15 minutes, do not go on a break, or leave or anything else, I will find you. And I will have you help me again if I have to sit in this damn place until you clock back in. DON'T THINK I WONT! I've seen me do it." So I fly back home which is about 10 minutes away.
I think I may have hit somebody in a crosswalk not sure...pull into the drive way go into the house step on a cat, get the cartridge and get back into the car, Mario Andreti it back to Wal-Hell and go back and the lady was getting ready to "take her break" and I said "UM EXCUSE ME BUT NO!" The line of people looked at me as well as the CSM (customer service manager) and the other workers, "I told you not to take a break until I returned. Did you think that I was kidding? That I wasnt coming back?" Well its my scheduled meal time. I looked at her and I said "...and I quote 'you may only extend your meal time when and if you are helping a customer and there is a line longer than 3 or more persons, and there is not adequate coverage, then you may have the MOD or CSM adjust your times accordingly."
Her eyes got larger and the CSM looked stumped "And from what I can see you have way more than 3 persons waiting here, not including a shopping cart city in which you should have called for a DPU at the CSC (department pick up at the customer service counter), now since your CSM is here you can go ahead and take care of me and he will adjust your time. So she goes and starts the transaction and says to me "You need to go back and see if there is anymore like this back there."
BITCH WHO YOU THINK YOUR TALKING TO? "Do you remember what C.A.R.E. (customers are real enough) stand for? And that you took an oath that you would do your part to make the customer feel like they are part of the Walden Family because with out them there is no us? Call department 87 and ask them to look for the product." Now at this time I hear the people behind me start to whisper to themselves about how I was being all forceful and what have you, but that it was funny because I had them stammering all over themselves. Well she answered "well there is no one at the desk right now." I looked over my shoulder and saw not only a partial wall but a mountain of other walls and clothing racks and people all over the store and the tv displays and the photo booth but could plainly see that you couldn't see the counter.
"You clairvoyant bitch how is it that you have the ability to not only see through a wall and clothing racks, and through the all the people, and the photo booth, and the televisions, but are able to divine with your gifted psychic powers that if your ring that phone back there, someone will not answer?" she was a little taken back by this "well it would be faster for you to do it." About ready to snatch her up by the back of her head and drag her over the counter and drag her kicking and screaming and slamming her face into the display shelving for the inks i counted to 10 really quickly and walked away.
SO I walked to the other end of the store where they keep the ink and LO AND BEHOLD the fuckers are locked up! So now the fun Hide and Seek game begins. Here you count to 10 and then you go and stalk a member of walmart that looks like they may work the department you need help in. I finally find this browbeaten old man who has a 10 year tag on and I ask him "excuse me sir but do you work this department?" to which his reply was "well i wish that i didnt" sarcastically i said "well if you do find someone that does work in this department i need something out of the printer ink case" so he walks me over there and has me get the one that i need and then says "well i have to walk this up to the front with you. And there are supose to be 4 people back here and why am I the only one?" "Because you work at walmart, home of the customer, plantation owner of the employees."
To this he started chuckeling and said "have you ever had one of those days that you wish every one would just leave you the fuck alone and go home, so that you can possibably have a better day tomorrow." "yeah i use to work at walmart so I wholly understand what you are talking about. I use to have fantisies of throwing people into wood chippers and aiming it at managment." we both laughed at this.
Finally we get up to the front counter and he say's "Well I will let you know when we have a sale on wood chippers." I laughed and said "well then afterwards we'll have a BBQ and your invited. Meet you in garden." He smiled and laughed and walked away. Then the Bitch finally called me back up to the front of the line, and tried to pawn me off on someone else and I said "NOPE you are the one I was dealing with you know whats going on, you will help me. Or do I need to talk to your department manager and your store manager, and your department CSM?" So she began working the transaction and handed me the bag with my new ink in it and I said to her manager who was standing behind her "you and the employee of the month here have a wonderful day!" in the most irritating cheerful, gay preppy, valley girl way that I possibly could.
Then I did some light shopping and got some sugar free peanut butter cups, 2 umbrella's, and a Ti Chi DVD that is a really kick ass DVD I use to have it but I let a friend borrow it and she moved out of state. And so after that I left the store. But because of my whole ordeal I was a little parched, so I decided to get one of the $0.25 sodas that Sam's offers, so I punch the one marked Manzana (apple in spanish) and what do I get FUCKING FRUIT PUNCH which had 46 carbs in it. WTF the Manzana only had 15. So I took two sips of it and threw it away.
Yesterday I go to walmart to buy ink for my printer. A simple task one would think. NOPE! First of all there had to be everyone and their great grandmother Elinor Susan meandering through the narrow isles, but then they had to be out of the one particular ink that i need save for having 1 duel box of ink which was a color and black for $37.77 where the one box of black was only $19.97 (huge price change) so I go ahead and get that box, place it in my cart and then try to plow my way out of the computer section into the electronics check out stand. While standing there taking in the ambiance of the stupidity of people and the knuckle dragging sub monkies that are walmart 'employees' a black guy comes up in a very nice suite and asks a simple question "Where can I find mini-dvd's for cam recorders?"
The Mystical Sage of the Register then gives him the totally wrong information on where to find it, sending him to the computer department. I whistle for the guy and flag him over pointing out the exact product that he needs. The dude is more than grateful. He said "You should work here" I told him that I use to but never again (well maybe...<--insert dramatic music 'done done done' here)
So after about 5 minutes of watching this monkey do a math problem (i.e. check people out) she finally gets to us and states 'boy its busy today....' A BRILLIANT DEDUCTION DR. WATSON!
Then my sister and I were walking to go out of the store and there was a freakin traffic jam on lanes 4-9 and a line pretty much blocking us from exiting. SO we finally get out and back home only to discover that the ink that we just bought had no ink in the black cartridge. "THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR SINCE OF HUMOR THIS DAY" so I bundle up the test pages that one has to print everytime you install a new cartridge, and drive to a different walmart (no way in hell i was going back to that one that i just came from that was pure pandemonium) So I went ahead and went to another one on the opisite side of town only to be greeted by the other walmartins and a store full of glazed eyed zombie shoppers.
So I go to the Customer service counter and explain to this lady the whole story about how i got it home and it didnt print. She begins to hold them to her ear and shakes them and says "well this one is empty, they both sound empty...." first of all how are you going to hear some shit like that in a croweded store with people screaming for CSM's over the intercom, Jr. Baby Son of a Bitch screaming its head off, Old man death coughing like some kinda contagious spor, and tell me that its empty. YOU SEE the funny thing about the type of ink I use is that its a powder that turns liquid when an electrical current is passed through it. So I just sat back and laughed at how she could hear powder but anyways, then she said "...well the color one is half full." Ok so what? then I told her "if you think im trying to run games here your wrong. First of all that may be my old color cartridge but im not sure.
Second I didnt have any black ink in my printer at home. Third look at my recipt, I literally bought this about 45 minutes ago. Now each cartridge is able to do roughly 500-900 sheets depending on how graphically intense it is. Also every printer that is on the market right now, will only print about 8-10 pages per minute, not including spooling time for the document to transfer to the memory of the printer which is only about 1mb and some documents can be 3mb+ there is no way that I could have burnt through an entire cartridge of ink in 45 minutes and be here like I want some more. There is only one printing press that Im aware of that is able to print 1000+ pages per minute (maybe like 3-5 minutes) and that is the News press for the Wallstreet Journal and New York Times.
However, neither of the wonderful machines are in my possion, nor do they use a tiny ass ink cartridge like this. SO please just exchange me for a black cartridge and save you and your company the hit of $37.77 when you will only have to take a hit of $19.97 and you profit from it still." The whole time she was looking at me i was expecting a strand of drool to come plomiting from the corner of her mouth. When I was done trying to explain the quantum physics of my seemingly simple problem Darwin's reject was able to once again form sentiences and say "well i need you to bring me back the other cartridge if you want to exchange them. Since it was a two pack I will need to rering it as a two pack."
(CRITICAL MASS REACHED) From passive to angry in .00000000000000000005 nano seconds, I snatched up the bag and took note of her name and I said "look ****** (<-- not a bad word just the persons name) I will be back in exactly 10 maybe 15 minutes, do not go on a break, or leave or anything else, I will find you. And I will have you help me again if I have to sit in this damn place until you clock back in. DON'T THINK I WONT! I've seen me do it." So I fly back home which is about 10 minutes away.
I think I may have hit somebody in a crosswalk not sure...pull into the drive way go into the house step on a cat, get the cartridge and get back into the car, Mario Andreti it back to Wal-Hell and go back and the lady was getting ready to "take her break" and I said "UM EXCUSE ME BUT NO!" The line of people looked at me as well as the CSM (customer service manager) and the other workers, "I told you not to take a break until I returned. Did you think that I was kidding? That I wasnt coming back?" Well its my scheduled meal time. I looked at her and I said "...and I quote 'you may only extend your meal time when and if you are helping a customer and there is a line longer than 3 or more persons, and there is not adequate coverage, then you may have the MOD or CSM adjust your times accordingly."
Her eyes got larger and the CSM looked stumped "And from what I can see you have way more than 3 persons waiting here, not including a shopping cart city in which you should have called for a DPU at the CSC (department pick up at the customer service counter), now since your CSM is here you can go ahead and take care of me and he will adjust your time. So she goes and starts the transaction and says to me "You need to go back and see if there is anymore like this back there."
BITCH WHO YOU THINK YOUR TALKING TO? "Do you remember what C.A.R.E. (customers are real enough) stand for? And that you took an oath that you would do your part to make the customer feel like they are part of the Walden Family because with out them there is no us? Call department 87 and ask them to look for the product." Now at this time I hear the people behind me start to whisper to themselves about how I was being all forceful and what have you, but that it was funny because I had them stammering all over themselves. Well she answered "well there is no one at the desk right now." I looked over my shoulder and saw not only a partial wall but a mountain of other walls and clothing racks and people all over the store and the tv displays and the photo booth but could plainly see that you couldn't see the counter.
"You clairvoyant bitch how is it that you have the ability to not only see through a wall and clothing racks, and through the all the people, and the photo booth, and the televisions, but are able to divine with your gifted psychic powers that if your ring that phone back there, someone will not answer?" she was a little taken back by this "well it would be faster for you to do it." About ready to snatch her up by the back of her head and drag her over the counter and drag her kicking and screaming and slamming her face into the display shelving for the inks i counted to 10 really quickly and walked away.
SO I walked to the other end of the store where they keep the ink and LO AND BEHOLD the fuckers are locked up! So now the fun Hide and Seek game begins. Here you count to 10 and then you go and stalk a member of walmart that looks like they may work the department you need help in. I finally find this browbeaten old man who has a 10 year tag on and I ask him "excuse me sir but do you work this department?" to which his reply was "well i wish that i didnt" sarcastically i said "well if you do find someone that does work in this department i need something out of the printer ink case" so he walks me over there and has me get the one that i need and then says "well i have to walk this up to the front with you. And there are supose to be 4 people back here and why am I the only one?" "Because you work at walmart, home of the customer, plantation owner of the employees."
To this he started chuckeling and said "have you ever had one of those days that you wish every one would just leave you the fuck alone and go home, so that you can possibably have a better day tomorrow." "yeah i use to work at walmart so I wholly understand what you are talking about. I use to have fantisies of throwing people into wood chippers and aiming it at managment." we both laughed at this.
Finally we get up to the front counter and he say's "Well I will let you know when we have a sale on wood chippers." I laughed and said "well then afterwards we'll have a BBQ and your invited. Meet you in garden." He smiled and laughed and walked away. Then the Bitch finally called me back up to the front of the line, and tried to pawn me off on someone else and I said "NOPE you are the one I was dealing with you know whats going on, you will help me. Or do I need to talk to your department manager and your store manager, and your department CSM?" So she began working the transaction and handed me the bag with my new ink in it and I said to her manager who was standing behind her "you and the employee of the month here have a wonderful day!" in the most irritating cheerful, gay preppy, valley girl way that I possibly could.
Then I did some light shopping and got some sugar free peanut butter cups, 2 umbrella's, and a Ti Chi DVD that is a really kick ass DVD I use to have it but I let a friend borrow it and she moved out of state. And so after that I left the store. But because of my whole ordeal I was a little parched, so I decided to get one of the $0.25 sodas that Sam's offers, so I punch the one marked Manzana (apple in spanish) and what do I get FUCKING FRUIT PUNCH which had 46 carbs in it. WTF the Manzana only had 15. So I took two sips of it and threw it away.
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